Faith and Betrayal
Lazerous' Diary Page - Waterlogged Page
The below is written in a childlike script and appears to have been splashed with a great deal of water causing some of the text to run and become difficult to decipher in places.
Moon of Aeyras – 23:00 hours
It’s me, Lazerous, again!
You’ll never guess where I am right now! Go on, guess! That’s right, a pastry shop- wait no… that’s wrong… why would you guess that? Silly Diary! =D
I’m on a boat! No, not like that time in the bath tub, a real boat! Surrounded by water and full of all manner of floatsom and castoffs! It’s about time this vacation had a cruise, although no one has come up offering me any fruity drinks as of yet… no tip for them! >:(
You want to know how I got here? Oh boy do you! Let’s see…
Well we had just taken out the great Toe-Bender… Then we were attacked… then, RIGHT! That’s when Inquisiator Sandy picked me, ME, for a secret special mission with him! It was great, we ran down some dark hallways together, kicked some lazy soldiers for not moving fast enough, played some jokes on Captain Crunch, oh yeah… and we were ambushed by the biggest.. meanest… ugliest piece of slag that ever crawled up out of the primordial ooze! No… Not Mr. Quaint silly… =D
So Inquisiator Sandy was fighting the ‘Ark knobby pretty good until the buggar got in a lucky shot. I could see he needed my help so I rushed in and we stood back to back and took the fight to the green menace and his buddies. Shots were fired, pew pew pew, and some swords were slashed, swish swish swish, but ultimately it came down to me and my psychic powers to save the day. I used Sandy’s fire gun as a conduit for my dreaded firebolt missle! PEW! The knobby exploded and Sandy was so happy he gave me an autographed souvenir to remember the experience! I see a promotion in my future, but don’t tell anybody… shhhh… It’s a secret <.><
Well with the fighting done it seemed apparent that everyone else was sad because we had to walk back through the swamp. The twins, Lys and Ros, were sad because they had lost a lot of their blood and couldn’t find it! Red was sad at Mr. Quaint for shooting him in the back and I mean come on… who hasn’t intentionally shot their bestest friend in the back a few times in their life? I know I have… Red shouldn’t take things so seriously.
So I figured I would cheer everyone up by finding a Valkyrie! Who would have thunk it, a free Valkyrie just sitting in the middle of the swamp with no one around for miles and miles to tell us not to take it! Once we got rid of the pesky pilots and that annoying family that had moved into it we settled into our new ship, the S.S. Lazerous’ Decent, and took off into the wild blue yonder… for a while…
See I was all set to fly since it was my ship and I owned it and everything but Red was all like “blah blah blah night school… blah blah five years training” so I sat in the back playing mental checkers with Sebastian… WHO CHEATED BY THE WAY! You are totally not allowed a ‘Triple king’ on Tuesdays during odd months if your name starts with an S… He totally made that rule up! Totally not fair seeing as how he already had twice as many pieces as me because of the height handicap rule… sheesh…
Anyway… Red took over flying and as I predicted ended up crashing into the first thing he saw… the ground…
After I managed to pull myself out of the twisted and burning wreckage that had become a tomb for the rest of my less sturdy companions, I set about preparing a service to honor their memories. After saying a few words, I believe they were “butterscotch pies and mournful skies”, brilliantly fitting I know, I pretended to bury them until I got bored and decided to move on. That’s when I found the hidden ferry embankment where they were selling Cruise ship tickets!!!
As I approached I was accosted from behind by an unknown force! It was the ghosts of all my friends, come back to play with me some more! =D I mean I knew I was good at communing with the dead but even I didn’t know how amazingly powerful I was! Mr. Quaint seemed especially glad to see me and was extremely appreciative of the extra effort I went to piling all that swamp mud on his head to ensure wild animals didn’t eat him! He was so happy, Red had to hold him back because he wanted to hug me so badly! =D
So me and my new undead friends went aboard the boat and the twins proved to be adept fishermen, wrangling in a rare and elusive Navy fish! I made sure to study their techniques to use later when the boat inevitably crashes because Red just ‘has’ to pilot everything that is cool and I wind up stranded on a deserted island where my survival is dependent on the food I can catch and how many episodes of Gilligan’s Island I can remember…
So the cruise started off nice. After a while we came across another FREE VALKYRIE! I mean honestly, this planet is just giving them away! Me and Red trudged through the swamp to get to it but found out some guys had set up camp around it and were having a party with some of their ‘Ark friends. After me and Red kicked the ’Ark’s butts we met up with the leader of the men, General McMuffin. Red told me I had to leave the ship because it was stuck in the mud and the color didn’t match my robe, but that we could take the General as a consolation prize… He also doesn’t match my robe I think but Red seems oblivious to fashion…
Anyway, this General is a pretty fun guy. Right now he is busy playing hide and seek with me, but little does he know I have Gary following him so I know his every whereabouts. It’s only cheating if I don’t win!!!!
Well I guess I’ll go ‘find’ him now so it’ll be my turn to hide! You take care of yourself for a while Diary,