Lazerous' Diary Page - Crumpled Page

[The following is scribbled onto a dirty and crumpled piece of paper in a childlike script.]

*Planet Tranch
*En Route to Hive Navole Aboard the Leman Russ “Speckled Death Bringer”

Dear Medical Diary,

It’s me, Doctor Lazerous, again!

I am currently en route to a hive in desperate need of quick, sterilized, and cheap medical services. The people of this planet are not used to having celebrities of Mom’s caliber around so the guy with all the medals thought it would be a good idea to travel with an armed escort. What with all the fans around threatening to mob us for our autographs and to take pictures with our corpses, I suppose it makes sense… As long as I don’t think about it too much…

Anyway, Red wasn’t going to let me drive this tank but then I was like “Mom said I could” so he decided to sit up top with the guns and leave me down here with my co-pilot Fredrick. I’ve been driving now for nearly two hours and now that I have the hang of it I think I’ll get this report done before we arrive at our destination. Fredrick keeps yelling at me every time I try to hit the turbo jets and pull on the whizzerbang, and now he’s telling me I need to let go of the wheel. Someone needs to tell these co-pilots to let their superiors do the work they don’t understand how to do.

So back at Reflex Point I checked in at the local five star Hospital, which seemed to be lacking in most of the necessary luxuries normally found in such places, I shall have to remember to submit my complaints to that base’s commander. How I managed to get through all my work without a single pudding dispenser or automatic hand washing and foot massaging TV remote I don’t know… Once I managed to talk some sense into that daft new receptionist they must have just hired, I, along with my ‘temp’ nurse Mermaid Ariel, proceeded to check in on my first patient “Mindy”. Below is a rough transcript of the medical procedure:

Doctor Lazerous: Hello… ‘Checks chart’… Mindy is it?
Mindy:pained grunt’ My name is Cynthia…
Doctor Lazerous: Ew, memory damage. Patient seems to be suffering from minor mental trauma causing her to believe she’s someone else. This could be genetical. Nurse, check her family history for brain damage, psycological disorders, and low SAT scores.
Nurse Ariel:nodding’ Yes Doctor.
Doctor Lazerous: So, Mindy… What seems to be the problem?
Mindy:Wheezing’ I’m bleeding rather profusely from my stomach.
Doctor Lazerous: Do you have any combined feelings of nausea? Bloating? Cramps? I hear those sometimes accompany this type of problem in you people.
Mindy:Straining’ Are you even a doctor?
Doctor Lazerous: oh my, this is even worse than I originally thought. The mental strain must be affecting her eye sight. Quick! ‘waving hands rapidly in front of patients face’ How many fingers do you see?
Mindy:Painful Gurgle
Doctor Lazerous: Not even close. Lets try again. How many fingers now?
Nurse Ariel: Wouldn’t it be better to stem the bleeding before questioning the patient on this scale Doctor?
Doctor Lazerous: Damnit Jim, I’m a doctor not a plumber! What would I know about stopping leaks?
Mindy:Starts to scream
Doctor Lazerous: Fine… Nurse, find me a box of pads or something…
Nurse Ariel: Doctor, look! ‘points at patient
‘At this point, the patients stomach became distended and a long slender appendage not often found on a human female burst forth from her wound. It was quite a rare medical find sure to win me a doctorate award. However, the patient appeared less joyful about the whole thing for some reason.’
Doctor Lazerous: Isn’t it miraculous nurse, the miracle of life right before our eyes…
Nurse Ariel: I don’t think this is natural Doctor, we should do something to stop it.
Doctor Lazerous: Nurse please, which one of us went to medical school?
Nurse Ariel: Neither of us…
Doctor Lazerous: WHAT? You lied on your transcript? I really need to have a talk with this temp agency…
Nurse Ariel: Doctor, look out!
‘The newly born tentacle appendage began to whip about furiously in pained frustration. Nurse Ariel seemed distraught at this action, but I quickly realized the problem and began attempting to fix it.’
Doctor Lazerous: Nurse, pass me my bone saw! This poor patient is suffering from lack of air confined in that torso! We need to cut it some air holes, stat!
Nurse Ariel: But doctor, the patient-
Doctor Lazerous: Is suffocating, I realize this nurse! Judging from Mindy’s vision problems before, I would bet my medical license the patient’s core is centered around her optical cortex nerve. If I make a shallow incision near her cheek…
‘I readied my recently sterilized knife and stepped closer to Mindy’s face careful to dodge the poor suffering appendage.’
Doctor Lazerous: Alright nurse, I will need to be extremely careful here in order to save them both. No Distractions. First I’ll need to quickly-

[The paragraph cuts off suddenly mid-sentence as if the writer was suddenly and violently torn away from the page.]

[In the bottom corner of the page, scrawled in a black chalky substance, are a few lines of text seemingly written by a different person. The handwriting is neater and more carefully penned as if written by a far more skilled hand. However, the odd angle the words appear on the page suggest a lack of light, a strong sense of urgency, or perhaps both were affecting the author of this text as he wrote.]

An unexpected force clashes with an unnatural boom,
Bringing my mobile fortress crashing down, enslaving me in my tomb.
Through the twisted wreak of steel, havoc threatens to bring my end
Only to burn from phoenix fire as I rise from the ashes once again.

Lazerous' Diary Page - Crumpled Page

Faith and Betrayal taddow Gunsmith