Lazerous' Diary Page - Torn Page

The below is written in a childlike script with somewhat messy handwriting.

Moon of Aeyras – 19:00 hours

Dear Diary,

It’s me, Lazerous, again!

These first few weeks on the vacation planet of Aeyras have not been quite what the travel lady promised, but I’ve still been enjoying meself. My new friends and I have met even more new friends, none of which have tried to have ‘conversations’ with us yet!

We’ve also come across a couple mean and terrible ‘arks who have tried to engage us in ’conversation’. Luckily for us, they seem to be illiterate what with how easy it’s been to get the last word in. Even simple Mr. Quaint has managed to get a word or two in edgewise, who’da thunk?

Anyway, things have been good for Sebastian. Recently he was self-promoted to Major General due to his selfless and heroic act of killing an entire regiment of the green skinned devils using only his field knife and a small pebble! No one was lukcy enough to be around to witness it, which is why he had to do the promotion himself, but he’s made me his Captain and Gary my Sergeant! =D

No one seems to take my new rank seriously though, always ignoring my orders. :(
Even my new bestest friend, Toby, rarely follows my instructions! although, he admires me so much he always has to be by my side while we’re fighting. He says it’s because he fears I’ll get myself killed if he isn’t there to protect me, but I know how he really feels!

Yesterday, Toby showed me a picture of his darling wife. He calls her his ‘little angel’. Sebastian says it’s a fitting name since falling from heaven would explain how she messed up her face. I thought that was mean and didn’t mention it to Toby. He asked me, that should he not make it, if I would take the picture to her and tell her how much he loves her. Gary readily accepted, he’s a sucker for love… Hell I’ve seen the way he’s been looking at the mermaid since we got here… >.>

Anyway, I should cut it off short today, I’ll finish this when we get back. We’re going to hunt Grimmy Tooth’s assistant, Thorgy Toebender! With his help, we hope to finally get Grimmy Tooth to his dental appointment!

Wish me luck!

The following is hastily scribbled on the bottom of the paper, barely readable.

We managed to meet with The Toebender and Red decided to practice his dentistry on him. I think he needs a little practice still. someone should tell him you don’t need to go through the neck to reach the teeth, that’s what the mouth is for. Oh well, as me mudder always used to say, you can’t get a head in life without decapitating a few ’arks!

Poor Toby met his end today. I told him not to leave my side but the brave fool charged out right into an ’ark’s blade. Our buddy, Cory, I could see the hatred in his eyes as the ’ark approached, so I selflessly let out a battle cry, distracting the ’ark, then went invisible to allow Cory his chance for vengeance.

Sebastian also had some trouble. Mermaid Ariel came around the corner and hit him in the face with a shotgun blast. Me and Gary had a good laugh about that one. I can see why he likes her, she’s fun. Not like Mr. Quaint, he spent half the battle whistling and playing with his gun. I mean, seriously, how do ya not notice the crowd fighting around ya? I think that one’s a little slow…

But the real hero of the battle is Inquisiator Sandy himself. He was so calm, he decided to take a nap right in the middle of the battle. I was so jealous! Red told me I had to wait until we got back before I could have nap time! D=

Anyway, Mermaid Ariel has come to help me with Cory! That guy’s pretty lazy, laying around clutching his stomach all the time. Oh well, I’m glad to help him. That reminds me, I couldn’t find Toby’s picture to return to his wife… Perhaps one of the ‘arks took it, the thieving buggars… I’ll need to find it, don’t want to turn his beloved into a weeping angel now do I?

With love,
-Lazerous!

Lazerous' Diary Page - Torn Page

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